i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
