i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
