goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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