question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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