Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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