when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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