I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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