Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
