My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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