I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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