You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
