Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
