I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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