I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
