A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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