the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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