I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
