Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Randomize