I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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