I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
