i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
