I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
