if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Quick, to the slutcave!
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Be still, my beating vagina.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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