Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
