She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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