My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize