if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
