It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i will never coherently bang her
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
