youre lurking in front of me
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
