Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
