Whats the glycemic index on semen?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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