Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
why is half of my head shaved?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
