You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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