Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
