I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
