Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
