I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
