don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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