I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
