Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
