Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
