I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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