i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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