Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
