Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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