I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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