So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
