so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize