Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
