We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
