We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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