if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
