Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
This is my gift to your gina
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
