this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize