you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
