It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
