and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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