It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
