You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
