he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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