Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
