i don't plan on having that self control this summer
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
