omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
