If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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