so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
