You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
