Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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