I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
