yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
