I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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