just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
