try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
