just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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