just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
