laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize