Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
