the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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