Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
