Ambien. No doubt about it.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
