Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
