you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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