i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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