you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
