Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
