Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
