what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize