The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
