i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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