hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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