I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
