half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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