i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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